Generation X. The latch key kids. The first generation to have access to computers and technology in our homes as children and young adults, and the last generation to truly remember what it was like to grow up before cell phones and the internet.
We have a complicated relationship with mental health. As children, our emotional needs were deferred, as we spent our childhoods in an era where the primary focus of families was adults and parents. Later, in adulthood, our emotional and mental health needs were deprioritized as cultural focus shifted from adults to children.
We grew up in a time when mental health wasn't discussed openly like it is today. Our grandparents and even our parents taught us that mental health matters were private, to be kept personal and dealt with quietly. When we had emotional concerns, we were told to "suck it up" and keep those feelings to ourselves, to just "deal with it" and move on.
Of course assistance was sought for those who experienced big "T" traumas, like serving in war or sexual assault. But when it came to little "t" traumas, things like our parents divorcing or being bullied at school, therapy wasn't really even a consideration. We were expected to just get up the next day and go on with our lives like nothing had happened, because these things were just a part of everyday life.
Many of us are dealing with a lot of stress and anxiety. We're taking care of our aging parents. We're still taking care of our children. We deal with debt, economic fluctuations, the insecurity of our future retirement. And still, while paying our bills and taking care of the elder and younger generations, we find little to no time to consider ourselves and the toll this takes on us until it's too late.
The end result of all this is a mixed bag. We're certainly independent, resilient, and self-sufficient. For the most part, we do take things in stride and rarely see the need to talk to someone about our feelings when we change jobs, get a divorce, or watch our kids move out.
We value privacy, and we're not likely to discuss our mental health issues with our family or friends. If we seek help, we'll do it quietly, privately, and discreetly on our own.
Due to our upbringing, many of us still associate mental health issues with weakness, and try to tough it out and deal with our problems alone, without the assistance of a therapist. We still feel there is a stigma attached to admitting we need mental health assistance.
We're more likely to self-medicate with alcohol or other drugs than the generations that follow us instead of seeking help. About 26% of Gen X report getting help from a mental health professional, compared with 35% of Millennials and 37% of Gen Z.
The positive takeaway here is that as we've gotten older, and as we've watched the younger generations embrace therapy as a normal part of their healthcare, many of us have started to recognize the importance of our mental health and are starting to seek help when it's needed.
We're also beginning to prioritize self-care activities like exercise and meditation to help manage stress and improve our mental well-being.
I share all this because this week we observe Mental Health Day, and over the years I have learned the value and importance of focusing on my own mental health. For many years I was a Gen Xer who steadfastly followed the rule of "suck it up and get on with life," to my own detriment.
I didn't seek help when I should have for sexual assault. I didn't seek help when I should have for post-partum depression. I didn't seek help for the trauma I lived with for years after suffering childhood abuse.
The end result was a life that was LESS THAN. Less than what I wanted. Less than what was possible. Less than I deserved.
I've watched friends do the same. It's led them down a long painful road of addiction, self-loathing, and eventual suicide by overdose in multiple cases.
I've personally never resorted to drugs to solve my problems. For me, my sadness and depression led to an inability to move forward or to make choices.
Seeking help has been a lifesaver for me. I didn't spend years in therapy, and I'm not still spilling my guts on somebody's couch crying about how nobody loves me.
I learned the tools I needed to move forward with my life and how to recognize when I'm headed for a downward turn so that I can utilize those tools to keep myself in the space I need to be in to live the grateful and successful life I want to live.
I know that some people won't be able to go to a counselor for a few months and then move on like I did. Some people need much more than that, and that's ok. Some people need lifelong therapy, or lifelong medication, or someone they can contact at any time of day or night.
My point is that it's time for us Gen Xers to recognize this in ourselves and in our loved ones, and to get that help. To assist those we love in getting that help.
I encourage all of you who read this to take stock of your own mental health:
- Are you sad more than you're happy?
- Are you having suicidal thoughts? (If you are, you need to speak to a professional IMMEDIATELY. Do NOT wait for an appointment with a therapist - call your local emergency responders and tell them you need help NOW.)
- Are you feeling guilty because your depression (or any other bad feelings) are causing you to miss out on things with your kids or grandkids?
- Are you missing out on things you want to do with your significant other because you just can't handle it today?
- Are you masking your feelings with drugs or alcohol in order to deal with your life? (A tough one to admit, but deep down we all know when this is what we're doing)
You can help someone you love who's dealing with mental health issues by:
- Listening to their concerns and feelings without judgement and without trying to tell them you've been there or you understand.
- Express your support. Tell them you're there for them no matter what. Don't just assume what they need - ASK THEM.
- Encourage your loved one to seek treatment. You can't force an adult to seek help from a professional, but you can make the suggestion and offer referrals.
- Be patient with your loved one. As hard as it may seem for you to deal with their problems, it's so much harder for them to be going through it themselves.
- Validate their feelings. You may not understand or relate, but their feelings are real to them, and you have to respect that.
- Help with everyday tasks, like doing the dishes, cleaning up around the house, or putting the laundry away. (In the case of post-partum depression in particular, this kind of help can be invaluable for a new mom.)
- Include your loved one in your plans, even if they always say no. It matters to them that you simply made the offer even if they don't take you up on it.
- Educate others about the importance of mental health and helping those we love who are in crisis.
- Seek support for yourself. Being a spouse, parent, or child of someone going through severe depression or other mental health issues can be overwhelming. You need support too.
- If your loved one is threatening suicide, take that threat seriously and contact emergency services IMMEDIATELY. Yes, they're probably going to be angry with you. But it's likely you'll save their life. I called for my mother about twelve years ago. She spent two weeks in a mental healthcare facility, and although she didn't speak to me for a while afterward, I'll never regret making the choice to contact someone to get help for her. On the flip side of that, I had a friend who was making those kinds of threats and none of us took him seriously. We lost him on Thanksgiving Day two years ago, and I'm always going to feel like if one of us had taken that threat seriously and made that phone call, he might still be with us today. He was only 43.
Get the help you need. It will benefit your life and the lives of those you love. A quick Google search for "mental health assistance near me" could save your life or the life of someone you love.
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